Note:In order to help MFA students moderate their own workshops (à la Felicia Rose Chavez’s The Anti-Racist Writing Workshop), I developed a cover sheet for them to attach to each of their poems. Today is the first day that we are using the cover sheet and, thus, we will also workshop the efficacy of it. The idea of the cover sheet came from a conversation in the pre-semester Teaching Creative Writing Workshop with our lecturers and TAs. Many thanks to my colleague Joe Dunne for initially suggesting the idea.
Date of Submission:
Do you want written feedback from the workshop (y/n)?
Provide us with any information we need to better understand the poem. Is the dramatic situation unclear or underdeveloped? Is there a cultural reference some folks in the workshop might not understand?
Provide some background information about the writing process of this poem. When did you write it? How long did it take you to write? Where did you write it? What draft is it on?
Tell us about the things you think are working well in the poem. What do you like about your poem? What do you want to preserve?
These are things you want to receive feedback on:
These are things you don’t want to receive feedback on:
Note: My Grad Poetry Workshop, which is made up of five first-year and five second-year students, wrapped discussion on Felicia Rose Chavez’s The Anti-Racist Writing Workshop yesterday. The following exercise allows students to practice moderating their own workshops (#2); to attempt an iteration exercise, which I assigned on the advice of Chen Chen (#4–6); to negotiate line breaks (#5); and to connect their bodies to the writing process (#7–9). As it was our second meeting of the semester, it was also a fabulous opportunity for the students to get to know one another and build trust prior to their first workshop next week. The exercise likewise prepares them to read Kazim Ali’s “On the Line,” which I assigned as homework. Ali writes, “we should talk about the line separate from [what] came before it or after it.” The outcomes: insight into sound and lineation, as well as lots of laughter.
“To be alive, you must exercise mobility, engage the senses, and laugh every now and then….For so much of our lives we’re schooled into stillness”
—Felicia Rose Chavez, The Anti-Racist Writing Workshop (pg. 75)
Split into pairs. (A first year with a second year.)
Take turns reading aloud your poems to one another. After doing so, share with your partner what you hoped (or are hoping) to do with the poem; your partner must engage in deep listening (not talking) as you tell them about the poem, answering some or all of the following questions:
Where did you get the idea of this poem? From an image, a phrase, a concept? Something else?
When did you write the poem? Under what conditions did you write the poem?
Did the poem go where you expected it to go or not? Do you think this is a good thing for the poem? Why or why not?
What are things you really like about this poem? (Be as specific as possible here and really go in for celebrating yourself and your craft!)
How would you like to change the poem in its next draft?
Now, you’re going to read aloud your poems to one another for a second time. After doing so, you and your partner will locate approximately six words in a row that are the most musical, that have the best “flow.” The passage doesn’t have to be a full sentence and it doesn’t have to make “sense.” Circle them.
Copy out the passage in your daily writing journal at least five times as it appears in the poem (with original line breaks).
Now, write the passage another five times; this time, add in line breaks in five new ways. (You can use virgules, i.e. “ / ”, to indicate line breaks if you’re having a hard time formatting it as you would in a word processor.)
Return to your partner. Read aloud the original version of the lines and all five new versions, emphasizing the line breaks through pauses or changes in your vocal intonation. Discuss:
How do the lines change when they are broken in new ways? Does the meaning change? The tone? The rhythm?
What sounds really catch your attention?
Outside of the context of your original poem, what is your favorite version of the passage? Which one engages your body the most? Its sense of dance and rhythm?
Create a series of movements that “act out” the passage, its rhythm, and its line breaks. These movements can be as literal or abstract to the text as you like—just make sure to be as creative and silly as possible!
Practice the movements, speaking aloud the words as you do them until you have them memorized.
Perform them for the class, which will cheer you enthusiastically!
Class: Introduction to Creative Writing (The College of William & Mary) Genre:Poetry Purpose:To consider how language is the raw material with which all writers work and to consider the unique challenges that poetry in translation offers Readings: A packet of poetry in translation
A native speaker of a foreign language that you do not speak has given you a literal translation (that is, a word-for-word rendering) of a poem written by a poet who writes in her language. The native speaker has asked you to further translate the poem so that it makes sense and is a good poem.
The poem’s original language is from a unique language family and shares no roots with English. Because of this, there are some words that are almost untranslatable in English; the native speaker has done her best to provide you with some sense of those words, sometimes substituting phrases or even metaphors for individual objects. Additionally, because the grammar of the original language is so unique, the sentence structure often doesn’t work in English. Not only will you have to find translations for individual words, you’ll have to make sense of those words in foreign syntax.
You read the translation*…
Think Lagunitas business
Loss innovation. It seems that the old way of thinking. The idea, for example, eliminates the sense that the general idea of light. The resurrection of the dead birch, black, the face of the first month, or any other theory of the world tribal carved sad because the skills to deal with the clown Beck, anything associated with Blackberry Blackberry word complaint if it does in this world, it is. We talked last night, my friend, marina trouble hearing sound thin. After that, I knew it from the start, and judges, and chin, hair, and the woman, and you, and I am his wife, and I remember that I love you still, it was several times small shoulders in his hands, and was surprised to see the face of violence, such as the drought and salt and the river of my childhood and Willow Iceland, sad songs levels, such as mud fish, we have a little money should pumpkin orange. It is difficult to deal with. It is necessary if we want to get an external desire eternal. And did the same to him. Reminds me a lot, and his hands and the length of the bread and said that his father hated him because he was asleep. Time was the word supernatural, flesh and body. Love, lunch and dinner, and BlackBerry.
*In order to produce this text, I ran Robert Hass’s “Meditation at Lagunitas” through several different languages (Maori, Chinese Traditional, German, French, Arabic, Finnish, Irish, and Icelandic) in Google Translate before translating it back into English.
The native speaker has also noted that the original poem was in one stanza and contained thirty-one lines. The literal translation, however, is in prose. She has converted the original poem into prose in order to preserve some semblance of the original syntax, and she hints that most of the lines contained between seven and ten words, except the last line, which only contained four.
You get to work and set about your translation systematically:
You assess the overall tone of the poem, considering if it’s joyful, melancholic, bittersweet, or meditative.
You then summarize the poem, identifying its:
addressee (if there is one) and/or audience;
and motivations and/or stakes.
You now notate those places in the poem in which there seems to be some kind of shift in setting, direction, and/or tone. (This could also include an associative leap between images or thoughts. If you notice one of these leaps, briefly summarize the connection.)
You then start the hard work of translating the poem, sentence-by-sentence, for clarity. At this point, you might begin to take some liberties with the text. As you’re revising the sentence, decide if you want to:
change any words or phrases so that the poem will seem more accessible to North American readers (i.e. an American might write “truck” when an English translator would write “lorry”)
or change any language that doesn’t seem essential to the overall meaning of the poem but that might make the poem sound more musical.
Now begin to format the poem for line length, breaks, and stanza structure. Decide whether or not you want to try to mimic the poem’s original format. (If not, make a case for it.)